My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
