Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
