this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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