i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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