it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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