I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
