I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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