her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
