ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need water and some morals
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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