So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
