you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
