I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize