If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
