I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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