Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
