I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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