I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize