Don't make out with my wife yet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
