He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
