The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
