hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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