Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
