That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
