when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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