Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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