Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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