Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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