I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
