Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
