he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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