I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
