omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
