I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
