his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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