Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
