Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
