So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
