I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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