Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
