I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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