hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
