He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize