After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
