It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
