Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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