If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
