she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
