k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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