Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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