God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
