You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
