Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
