batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
