You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
