Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
