my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
