I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
