So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
