I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
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