I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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