My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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