how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
