Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
