Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
