I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've blown a few things in my day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
