He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just puked most of my soul out..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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