Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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