Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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