Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
