I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
