maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
