She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
soo... how was my night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
