dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
