So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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