Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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