She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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