i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
