Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
