So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
